i dont feel and it feels great

I'm awful at doing this blog. I think about it sometimes and for some reason it feels lately that I've had little to nothing to write about...maybe thats because I'm the only one that reads it...or maybe it's because I have no idea what I'm ever going to say until I just start the tick tacking away on the keys...kind of let them lead me somewhere like a voodoo song leading a deceased Bernie through all kinds of wicked shit. It's more or less all about making the words flow...regardless of their meaning...anyways. In accordance with this idea...this post will be all about the language...not the context. Sometimes we get too carried away in the context and lose our sight and our feeling of the flow of things. I'll let the words twist and turn and tickle those eyeballs.

preventative measures and unconquerable pleasures
baby got me turned on like a light

fancy dont let me down

Today I have been stuck on worldly items, and how they relate to the flashy colors and extreme appendages associated with the successful maters in certain populations. In class we discussed the coloration patterns and dancing rituals etc., and in these populations the fitness of an individual increases with increasing "flashiness", so to speak. In human populations, it seems that the most "fit" females seek males with the "flashiest" items. So in a way these goods can be translated into assets that the women are interested in. I do realize that it is not across the board, as unattractive, penniless men often are married and so forth. But as far as the upper echelon of mates go, they usually look for something "flashy" (job status, vehicle, bank statement, etc.). How does this relate to government and capitalism? Well...the flashiest of the flashy objects are generally the most expensive ones. Expense equals greater profit for the government due to the taxes on the expensive item.

So to sum it all up and state it simply:

The government peddles mating success...or at least has a hand in it. Awesome.

please...

I am getting old. I know I am. I feel it. I am becoming the older dude. I am still hanging around this stupid fucking town for one more week. Everything here lately is so abrasive and I cannot stop drinking if I start because it's either smoke it away or drink it away or sleep it away or fuck it away or whatever...but it's just lingering around like the bugs in my kitchen and bathroom. It probably wouldn't be as bad if it were just over with I would've respected this place a lot more...but all the shit that has gone down this past year and especially the past few months or so and then the slowness of graduation and moving and the totality of it all just starts to grab you by the chest and shake you around in all directions.

Who do you want to watch?

LEBRON
Man they will not quit hitting my main man in the face. I hate the pizza hut pasta commercial. what a gyp. it's not fun to make people feel stupid. they wanted a good restaurant. they got delivery. eh. i'm just saying. it isn't interesting. i also do not like summer ale's. i miss winter beers. i miss the sky i miss the grass and i miss you in between them perfectly relaxed.

oh lawdy

Sometimes it's tough to remember anything. I am not just talking about this blog, or anything else that I just mean to do. I mean...it's difficult to remember to do the major things anymore. I rarely remember anyone's name until I have actually hung out one on one with you about five or six times. I have to use a Sharpie on my arm to remind me of everything. I know that this is because of the excessive pot lately. I don't know why it's gone this way, but I just am really numbing myself out to most of what's going on around me. Everything here in Tuscaloosa, minus a few highlights I won't discuss, is pretty much shit. I'm just not impressed with the people here, the culture here (or lack thereof). Sure...I realize that Auburn will probably be a step backwards, but here's hoping that Raleigh feels like home...because I haven't had one in quite some time. Tuscaloosa did have the "home" feeling, but only because I've been here so damned long. For the past eight months or so the dwindling amount of time has really started to affect me and my outlook. I am moving on...or have moved already. I'm not sure where my mind is floating, but it's going somewhere good and I know it. Some awful things have happened lately, but I'm honestly enjoying it all. I'm starting to enjoy people ditching out on me...it just makes me look forward to moving more. I'm enjoying all of the time I get to spend alone, and with close friends. It's time to be focused, and for the first time in college I think we're all just ready to put the books up and go live.

it doesn't mean a thing to me

I've never ever been as useless as this past weekend. I have had a level zero on the will to go out chart. Today Buck is coming up until Tuesday, which is when we're leaving for Atlanta to spend some time with good buds Kevin and Tones...I hear they're playing at some jazz night so that should be fun. The major point of this post, honestly, is to let the three or so who see this know that the new black keys album 'attack and release' that is produced by dj danger mouse is the shit. it's like if that afghan kush and purp met, and they had kids, and all that, but really. The music has a lot deeper sound with some really really cool synth/string sounds that push it upwards. And some wicked bass lines along with that...And even though all that changes they still sound the same. I'm loving it.

forget my nature...

I'm beginning to think that no one is ever going to upload the photos of us all mudding over spring break...nor whether I even feel the need to share the rest of the pictures. I'm sure they'll make their way on here eventually. So I guess I'll go ahead and get serious. Serious as a buzz. Or whatever. I've really noticed the long-lasting effects that taking Lexapro has had on my psyche lately. I've become much more nervous in odd situations. I never want to sit next to strangers...like I'm scared they'll touch me and I'll freak the fuck out. Not exactly sure what it is. I really do not want to go out much anymore...I just have to drag myself out to see people because I know it's for the best. I've tried my best to continue like normal, but I definitely feel a lot different now that before. I have the toughest time letting myself even think about any type of emotional anything. It really depresses the shit out of me...and I'm not wanting that...so I just ignore everything that might possibly bother me...out of sight out of mind. I know that isn't the way it should be, but lately my minimalistic urges have taken over and I've just really wanted the bare (or bear if this is Jungle Book) essentials. Disenfranchisement. Keeping away from all that matters to reach a goal and to better understand yourself. I feel that's what I'm doing, but it seems there are a lot of people getting hurt around me because of my detachment. I hope it all evens out soon enough. I know it will.
The world works in mysterious ways that science cannot explain.
I now have a place to live in Auburn for the summer. My brother met a wide receiver from Tampa, FL that signed with Auburn this year, and then some guy overheard them and offered them his townhome with an extra bedroom. SCORE. So my dream come true of living with my little brother during college is at least coming through for a little bit. Hell. I even am wearing an Auburn shirt right now. I taught a Biology lab here at Alabama with an Auburn shirt on. I'm so proud of him, and so excited that I get to spend a little time with him...it has been about six going on seven years.
OOOOOOOOOOOohhhhhhhhhhhhhh