The Deep South of Heaven

i dont feel and it feels great

2008-06-18T06:24:00.000-07:00

I'm awful at doing this blog. I think about it sometimes and for some reason it feels lately that I've had little to nothing to write about...maybe thats because I'm the only one that reads it...or maybe it's because I have no idea what I'm ever going to say until I just start the tick tacking away on the keys...kind of let them lead me somewhere like a voodoo song leading a deceased Bernie through all kinds of wicked shit. It's more or less all about making the words flow...regardless of their meaning...anyways. In accordance with this idea...this post will be all about the language...not the context. Sometimes we get too carried away in the context and lose our sight and our feeling of the flow of things. I'll let the words twist and turn and tickle those eyeballs.

preventative measures and unconquerable pleasures
baby got me turned on like a light

fancy dont let me down

2008-05-04T14:43:00.001-07:00

Today I have been stuck on worldly items, and how they relate to the flashy colors and extreme appendages associated with the successful maters in certain populations. In class we discussed the coloration patterns and dancing rituals etc., and in these populations the fitness of an individual increases with increasing "flashiness", so to speak. In human populations, it seems that the most "fit" females seek males with the "flashiest" items. So in a way these goods can be translated into assets that the women are interested in. I do realize that it is not across the board, as unattractive, penniless men often are married and so forth. But as far as the upper echelon of mates go, they usually look for something "flashy" (job status, vehicle, bank statement, etc.). How does this relate to government and capitalism? Well...the flashiest of the flashy objects are generally the most expensive ones. Expense equals greater profit for the government due to the taxes on the expensive item.

So to sum it all up and state it simply:

The government peddles mating success...or at least has a hand in it. Awesome.

please...

2008-05-03T01:21:00.000-07:00

I am getting old. I know I am. I feel it. I am becoming the older dude. I am still hanging around this stupid fucking town for one more week. Everything here lately is so abrasive and I cannot stop drinking if I start because it's either smoke it away or drink it away or sleep it away or fuck it away or whatever...but it's just lingering around like the bugs in my kitchen and bathroom. It probably wouldn't be as bad if it were just over with I would've respected this place a lot more...but all the shit that has gone down this past year and especially the past few months or so and then the slowness of graduation and moving and the totality of it all just starts to grab you by the chest and shake you around in all directions.

Who do you want to watch?

2008-05-02T17:50:00.000-07:00

LEBRON
Man they will not quit hitting my main man in the face. I hate the pizza hut pasta commercial. what a gyp. it's not fun to make people feel stupid. they wanted a good restaurant. they got delivery. eh. i'm just saying. it isn't interesting. i also do not like summer ale's. i miss winter beers. i miss the sky i miss the grass and i miss you in between them perfectly relaxed.

oh lawdy

2008-04-27T09:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's tough to remember anything. I am not just talking about this blog, or anything else that I just mean to do. I mean...it's difficult to remember to do the major things anymore. I rarely remember anyone's name until I have actually hung out one on one with you about five or six times. I have to use a Sharpie on my arm to remind me of everything. I know that this is because of the excessive pot lately. I don't know why it's gone this way, but I just am really numbing myself out to most of what's going on around me. Everything here in Tuscaloosa, minus a few highlights I won't discuss, is pretty much shit. I'm just not impressed with the people here, the culture here (or lack thereof). Sure...I realize that Auburn will probably be a step backwards, but here's hoping that Raleigh feels like home...because I haven't had one in quite some time. Tuscaloosa did have the "home" feeling, but only because I've been here so damned long. For the past eight months or so the dwindling amount of time has really started to affect me and my outlook. I am moving on...or have moved already. I'm not sure where my mind is floating, but it's going somewhere good and I know it. Some awful things have happened lately, but I'm honestly enjoying it all. I'm starting to enjoy people ditching out on me...it just makes me look forward to moving more. I'm enjoying all of the time I get to spend alone, and with close friends. It's time to be focused, and for the first time in college I think we're all just ready to put the books up and go live.

it doesn't mean a thing to me

2008-04-06T09:33:00.001-07:00

I've never ever been as useless as this past weekend. I have had a level zero on the will to go out chart. Today Buck is coming up until Tuesday, which is when we're leaving for Atlanta to spend some time with good buds Kevin and Tones...I hear they're playing at some jazz night so that should be fun. The major point of this post, honestly, is to let the three or so who see this know that the new black keys album 'attack and release' that is produced by dj danger mouse is the shit. it's like if that afghan kush and purp met, and they had kids, and all that, but really. The music has a lot deeper sound with some really really cool synth/string sounds that push it upwards. And some wicked bass lines along with that...And even though all that changes they still sound the same. I'm loving it.

forget my nature...

2008-03-31T15:38:00.000-07:00

I'm beginning to think that no one is ever going to upload the photos of us all mudding over spring break...nor whether I even feel the need to share the rest of the pictures. I'm sure they'll make their way on here eventually. So I guess I'll go ahead and get serious. Serious as a buzz. Or whatever. I've really noticed the long-lasting effects that taking Lexapro has had on my psyche lately. I've become much more nervous in odd situations. I never want to sit next to strangers...like I'm scared they'll touch me and I'll freak the fuck out. Not exactly sure what it is. I really do not want to go out much anymore...I just have to drag myself out to see people because I know it's for the best. I've tried my best to continue like normal, but I definitely feel a lot different now that before. I have the toughest time letting myself even think about any type of emotional anything. It really depresses the shit out of me...and I'm not wanting that...so I just ignore everything that might possibly bother me...out of sight out of mind. I know that isn't the way it should be, but lately my minimalistic urges have taken over and I've just really wanted the bare (or bear if this is Jungle Book) essentials. Disenfranchisement. Keeping away from all that matters to reach a goal and to better understand yourself. I feel that's what I'm doing, but it seems there are a lot of people getting hurt around me because of my detachment. I hope it all evens out soon enough. I know it will.
The world works in mysterious ways that science cannot explain.
I now have a place to live in Auburn for the summer. My brother met a wide receiver from Tampa, FL that signed with Auburn this year, and then some guy overheard them and offered them his townhome with an extra bedroom. SCORE. So my dream come true of living with my little brother during college is at least coming through for a little bit. Hell. I even am wearing an Auburn shirt right now. I taught a Biology lab here at Alabama with an Auburn shirt on. I'm so proud of him, and so excited that I get to spend a little time with him...it has been about six going on seven years.
OOOOOOOOOOOohhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Tangerines...

2008-03-26T16:36:00.000-07:00

I didn't exactly forget about the whole new blog thing I have going on. I've just been in a whirlwind of brodom that will remain unmatched I am sure throughout the rest of my life. Spring break was a blast. Such a blast, in fact, that I left the beach around 10 a. m. on the fourth day there due to an immediate inability to consume any more light beer. I will go more into it when all of the pictures are collected to kind of show and tell the whole thing in a timeline fashion. Things have also been crazy since I got back. I'm feeling the distances between me and certain people beginning to increase as the days go by. I guess I'll just be gone when I'm gone...definitely not coming back for long periods of time to see everyone...I'm not looking back on this place at all. Everything has been so fucked up and crazy in the end. I'm still living next door to my ex girlfriend's old house...still going to the same buildings with the same people saying the same things. I am over this place. I have been over it for a while. No wonder everyone drinks and half of the girls have beer bellies. It's just a bore. Please, please, please North Carolina be nothing like Alabama, especially Tuscaloosa. It's fucking scary to live here. People are always getting hit by cars and being black out drunk with random whoever in their bed...it's the norm. And I mean...it's not a bad norm for a certain amount of time, but in the end there's a lot more to it/life than that. I know that you know that already, but what I'm trying to say is that there is so much out there to learn. Of course, I can learn here. I love learning here. I love knowledge, and I can only be in one place for so long before my desire or lust for knowledge here just plateaus out. I've reached a plateau, weathered and worn.

I found a reason...

2008-03-11T18:47:00.000-07:00

Today was exactly the kind of day I needed. It started out walking home in the rain around 8 a. m. I packed a bowl, but then fell asleep without its help so I drifted off to sleep for a few hours until I woke up just in time for my 11 o'clock class. That was pretty easy, and afterwards I came home and have pretty much remained here all day working on Organic Chemistry lab work. It doesn't really bother me, but I've never been as uninterested in anything as organic chemistry...well...perhaps history. I am not a history buff. I do not care who did what or when it happened...I just know it happened and things are what they are. I do understand that in order to proceed you must know where you originated, but to drill the facts in students' heads is just pretty ridiculous. Same as organic chemistry. I can synthesize the materials in the lab (or at least attempt to) and do all of the calculations, yet I cannot pass a test in Organic II. I dropped it this semester and am re-taking it at Auburn the second half of the summer, and then I will get my degree in August. I'm still supposed to walk here in May, but I would feel like a cheater if I did that. I'm ready to leave here right after my finals anyways. I'm so scared about leaving everyone and all of the relationships I've built with people here over the past three years...I'm not sure I know what to do except to run. I wonder who I'll still talk to all of the time, and what it's going to be like when we do not really know the same people. I suppose people just talk about the old times. The wild times. The times when we could go out all night feeling like adults because we're the oldest people in this college town. Filthy mouthed, brewery-smelling, hippies with beards and rolled up sleeves and jean legs. I'm going to miss this. I cut my hair and beard off in an attempt to look more respectable, but it only made me feel like I was cheapening myself. Sure...I will dress up for interviews and do what is necessary to get a good job, but it's not so necessary to be Mr. Metro or whatever everyone likes these days.
Three more days until we set sail to wherever wherever never ever land to act like fools for a week. Here's hoping for minimal police interference with the week long boozed-up, collar-popped, straight up whore that we call Spring Break.
You like music? I do too.
The New Pornographers - Myriad Harbor
Jonquil - Whistle Low

Sweetheart. Sweet body parts.

Rushing river rattlesnakes your legs...

2008-03-10T11:57:00.000-07:00

Tavel and I are watching Grapefruit League: Braves vs. Cards rocking out today. The weather outside is gorgeous...it's too bad that I'm spending the entire day for the most part inside of the classroom. I teach a non-majors Anatomy and Physiology lab on Mondays after a full day of classes...but I enjoy it so it's not so bad. I try to make the students see how simple the majority of introductory anatomy and phys. is to understand. I use crazy diagrams and describe a lot of the physiological processes as more of a battle between chemicals or design than anything else. Today's lesson is on the respiratory system...so I'll share a little of my fantastic artwork with you.

Oh, and she never came last night. I had left her book with a mix cd in it on my doorstep while I went to a friend's place, but when I got home later it was still sitting there. She called about 2 30 in the morning, but I was asleep so I didn't answer. I tried calling this morning, but she returned the not answering favor. I am not sure if we're ever going to see each other again to be honest. I do not know when I will be ready to handle that. There's just too much history there and all to go back to being something we were two years ago. You cannot just push aside how bad someone hurt you because they are ready to be friendly. Sometimes you just cannot be friends. I know it's awful, but it's just how I feel.
Spring break starts Friday, and I've never ever ever been more excited about getting out with everyone for a week and a half.
Picture of the UA quad today:
Well...it's off to be a teacher for a few hours. The deck at the Library is opening tonight at five, meaning boozing on the top of the strip for the spring can officially begin!
I cannot stop listening to these songs: (from MOKYBLOG)
The Acorn - Flood pt. 1
The Acorn - Crooked Legs

2008-03-09T20:41:00.000-07:00

Today was not, by any stretch of the imagination, an easy day. I rarely go home, and every time that I do I feel guilty for leaving my family behind. Today seemed a little worse than usual, and that kind of drifted over into tonight just not being so great. I thought that my ex girlfriend was coming to town tonight, so I was very nervous driving back today...I'm really not ready or looking forward to seeing her. I mean...one part of me does want to, but the other part knows what's best for me. What's best for me is to keep moving in this direction that I'm headed in. I'm not really sure what it is, but it's not backwards. I left my dogs back home because the Jeep will be too full next weekend...the house seems so empty and depressed. I'm guessing she's not showing up so the nervousness is starting to fade and I am ready to just sit back and watch Darjeeling Limited. It seems interesting, but my mind is kind of getting lost in thought tonight...meaning it will be difficult to concentrate on the movie. So far the music is really great, though.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, my drive today was gorgeous. It was about 68 F when I left Dothan, and only drifted off a few degrees on my way to Tuscaloosa. I stopped by ArtWurks to take a picture of the guy's rooster that is made out of car bumpers. I've seen in a billion times, but never taken any pictures to share with those unfortunate few who have never noticed it on the side of 231 N.

The greatest thing about the drive to and from home is that during this time of year the sun will shine intermittently through the trees in extremely bright rays that flash in milliseconds. If you close your eyes it makes some sort of kaleidoscope...and I enjoy that...so I made some attempt at a video of this oh-so-awe inspiring natural phenomenon. Actually I'm just trying to make it sound as great as it feels...

And that's enough for today. Hope all is well with everyone.

What am I all about?

2008-03-09T08:56:00.000-07:00

So this is the first post of mine on this blog that I've created. My intentions are to document three experiences in my life: quitting Lexapro, graduating college, and my travels throughout this time frame (perhaps thereafter, also).
If you're wondering whether this blog is for you or not...I will list a few of my interests: biology, evolution, ecology, plant physiology, hydrotransportation, alternative fuel sources, entomology, wetlands, anything outdoors, marijuana, disenfranchisement, desegregation, pedagogy, buddhism, hinduism, witchcraft, voodoo, catholicism, planetary models, google earth, north carolina, mountains and seas, not being landlocked, clean air, eno hammock, a stringed instrument in the woods, pristine streams, algae and their role in the ecosystem, the human body (circulation, reproduction, stability, etc.), a brighter tomorrow, completing my list everyday, arboretum, bangarang, tandy bogus, gimme dungee, grandma's jewelry box, springtime and the autumn, driving away from everything to somewhere that's completely empty, planting anything anywhere, flowering plants, grasses, immunities, saints, monks, clever comments, disconnection, discontinuity, shifting colors, short skirts, long skirts, the fountain of youth, true understanding, mayan culture, australia, canada, alaska, the human mind, the concept of a soul, seasonal weather patterns, the farmer's almanac, making cds for your ears, the dark, the morning, etc. Hopefully every one of these interests will be covered at least on the surface.
After today I will be posting both pictures and music with each blog posting. The images will all be images that I have taken and have full authority to distribute, while the music postings will be from other music blogs.